Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom’s thoughts, John volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mark and I are just roommates.”

About a week later, Mark came to John and said, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”

John said, “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll write her a letter just to be sure.” So he sat down and wrote: “Dear Mother, I’m not saying you ‘did’ take a gravy ladle from my house, and I’m not saying you ‘did not’ take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.”

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: “Dear Son, I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Mark, and I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with Mark. But the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom”

The officer approaches the man’s car and asks him what on earth he was doing. The man tells the officer about all the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says, “Sir, it’s just your air freshener!”

She calls the woman’s husband, explains what she’s noticed and her plan, and asks the husband if he’d like to give it a try. He agrees to give oral sex a try, and rushes down to the hospital. He is led to the woman’s private room, and a curtain is drawn around her bed to give them some privacy. The man is behind the curtain for a few minutes, when a scream from the room brings the doctors and nurses running in. The husband is standing there, and the doctors rush past him to examine the woman. All of her vital signs have stopped - she is dead. The doctors ask the husband what went wrong. “I don’t know”, he said, “I think she choked”.

She pulled over to the side of the road and asked the shepherd if she could guess how many sheep he had she could have one. The shepherd thought this was an unusual request, but he agreed. The blonde thought about it for a minute and said, “one hundred and fifty.”

The shepherd said she was right and that she could pick a sheep to take home. She did and as she was putting it into the trunk of the car, the shepherd stopped her and said, “If I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?”

One day while taking dictation, he noticed the managers fly was open. When he was leaving the room, he courteously said, “Oh, by the way sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?”

The manager did not understand the secretarys remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling him in, he asked, “By the way Mr. Jones, when you saw my barracks door open, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?”

The secretary, who was also quite witty, replied, “Why no, sir. All I saw was a little, disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags.”

So the two guys stop and the guy turns his jacket around. They both get back on the bike and head on down the road.

A few moments later, the guy on the front of the bike realized that his buddy wasn’t answering him so he turned around and sure enough he was gone.

He said, “Oh my god he’s my buddy. I have to go back for him!” Well he went back down the road and saw a bunch of farmers standing in the middle of the road.

He stopped the bike and ran over to them and screamed out if he was alright. One farmer looked at him and said, “He seemed to be ok until we turned his head around the right way. He hasn’t said a word since!”

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?”

Well the bar tender finally got sick of hearing them arguing so told them he had a way to solve this problem.

He told them to stick their penis’ on the bar and he’d tell them who’s was bigger.

Well just as the put them up there, another gay guy walks in and yells “I’ll have the buffet!”

A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again.

As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line….

“That does it! If they hit me one more time, I don’t open the store!”

The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first.

“Tell me,” said he, “if we release you, as we are considering doing, what do you intend to do with your life?’

The inmate said, “It would be wonderful to get back to real life and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped put me here. If I am released, I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful.”

“Marvelous,” said the head of the institution.

“Or else,” ruminated the inmate. “I might teach. There is something to be said for spending one’s life in bringing up a new generation of scientists.”

“Absolutely,” said the head.

“Then again, I might write. There is considerable need for books on science for the general public. Or I might even write a novel based on my experiences in this fine institution.”

“An interesting possibility,” said the head.

“And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle.”